Reflect

Over the last two years, we have experienced the full range of emotions and types of anxiety. Health-related anxiety, social anxiety and climate anxiety have been particularly rife among young people. Now, we have a new one to add to the list: war anxiety. I have to say, as odd as it sounds, having grown up in a place that was steeped in conflict, the transition into a state of hypervigilance and grave concern for others isn’t a big adjustment. Feeling safe, physically safe, is something I value heavily and don’t take for granted.

For our children, watching a conflict unfold in real time, covered 24/7 across news channels, curated through social media and complete with footage from the trenches on TikTok, is understandably anxiety-inducing. Other people’s suffering is palpable and painful, leaving us, and our children, feeling helpless, sad and disempowered.

We need to give ourselves time to process our own feelings and emotions first, but, as parents (or educators), it’s also our responsibility to help our children navigate the challenging emotions that they may be experiencing with open and age-appropriate conversations.

Motivate

Try to find out what they already know and explore how it makes them feel. Be curious about what they’ve heard and where they heard it, and supportive of their concerns. Consider the values that you want to promote, and share honest, reliable information (very young children are likely to require minimal detail).

Help them to keep their perception of personal risk in proportion. If younger children are worried about their safety, it might be worth looking at a map together and showing them how far away we are from the conflict geographically. With children and young people of all ages, be led by their questions and get comfortable with the fact that you might not know all the answers (in fact, this is a good opportunity to do a bit of research together and model how to critically evaluate sources of information).

Combatting misinformation should be a key component of family discussions about events in Ukraine, especially with older children and teens. Once young people have access to the internet and social media (or they have friends who do), it’s very difficult for parents to control what ‘news’ they are seeing. A quick browse of recent fact-checking articles shows that misleading claims and images about the conflict, as well as purposeful disinformation, are rife online, especially on social media platforms widely used by young people, such as TikTok and Snapchat. We know that the risks posed by misleading narratives also become more severe in times of conflict.

Maintaining open channels of communication about what they are seeing is vital, as are ongoing conversations about the necessity of being a critical consumer, questioning the things that we see and the benefits of researching claims to check their accuracy. Pointing interested young people towards reputable information sources is crucial. If teens are very preoccupied with the news, consider suggesting that they limit their time scrolling, and provide them with plenty of opportunities for doing things that they enjoy, which keep them more in the present.

You might think about encouraging anxious older children to talk to older relatives or Grandparents about their own experiences of conflict. This is not the first time that we’ve lived under the threat of war in Europe (Millennials are likely to remember the Yugoslav wars during the 90s). Some family members may even remember receiving public awareness leaflets in the 1960s, which aimed to advise householders about what to do in the event of a nuclear attack, a threat that was considered genuine at the time. It might be helpful to learn that the world has been in situations similar to this in the past and that they have been resolved.

It’s important to remind young people (and of course remember ourselves) of the need to be empathetic towards all people. In our multicultural society, your children may have friends from many nationalities, including Ukraine or Russia. Nudge them to demonstrate kindness to all of their peers. It’s important to critically consider ‘us vs them’ narratives and encourage young people to recognise and challenge meanness or bullying. This terrible situation also provides a good opportunity to talk about all the wonderful people in the world (look at all those volunteering to help), and how we can all make a difference with kindness.

Support

One of the best ways to empower ourselves and our children in situations where we otherwise feel helpless, is to take some positive action. Many charities are in need of donations to help the hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian refugees who have fled the conflict, as well as those who remain in their country. UNICEF are asking for money to help provide families with clean water and hygiene kits, Save The Children are distributing essential supplies, warm clothing, psychosocial and educational support, the British Red Cross is working closely with their Ukrainian counterparts to provide aid, Sunflower of Peace are on the ground in Ukraine trying to ensure the delivery of adequate medical supplies, the UN Refugee Agency is seeking donations and Voices of Children supports young people who have experienced war to overcome its impact.

If your child has strong views about the conflict, encourage them to write to your local MP, start their own fundraisers, or find out about local initiatives. They could even speak to their school about setting up a campaign to collect much needed supplies and send messages or letters of love and support to those suffering in Ukraine and its bordering countries. Nudging concerned children to help with acts of kindness can make them feel like they are contributing in some small way to a solution, give them a sense of agency and allow them to develop a growing sense of citizenship and empathy.