Reflect

I Swear tells the true story of Scottish Tourette’s activist, John Davidson. Growing up in the 80s, John first experienced symptoms of Tourette’s in his teens, when his involuntary tics and obscene outbursts led to bullying from peers, physical punishment from school staff and strong discipline at home. As an adult, he has spent years giving awareness-raising talks and workshops to school pupils and teachers and, in 2019, he was awarded an MBE for his efforts to increase understanding of the condition. As schools across the UK will be marking Neurodiversity Celebration Week next week (16th–20th March), the film offers us grown ups a timely and deeply human message of compassion, empathy and stigma reduction. It also prompts reflection on how both us as individuals, and society as a whole, respond when involuntary behaviours challenge our expectations.

The theme of this year’s Neurodiversity Celebration Week is, “From Awareness to Action”, and it encourages workplaces, schools and communities to think about how understanding can translate into meaningful support and change. Awareness of neurodiversity has grown enormously in recent years, with many more children (and adults) being diagnosed with autism, ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions, particularly in traditionally marginalised groups. Remarkably, between 1998 and 2018, there was a 1500% increase in autism diagnosis among females in the UK, and more children from minority ethnic and lower socioeconomic demographics are being identified than ever before.

Scholarly debate rages around what this trend really means. Is it a true rise in prevalence? Or does it reflect broader awareness, shifts in diagnostic criteria and the structural role of formal diagnosis in accessing support? Whatever the answer, one thing is clear: it is key that we understand variation in our brains as natural and respond with curiosity, compassion and empathy. But what does meaningful support for neurodivergent children actually look like?

Motivate

Take ADHD as an example. Despite vast amounts of research on the condition, relatively few studies ask children directly about their own thoughts, feelings and experiences. I recently chatted to our latest Researcher of the Month, Daphne Ling, about her small study exploring exactly this. She interviewed children aged 8–14, all of whom were diagnosed with ADHD and taking medication. She asked them about their ADHD symptoms, what aspects of their condition they liked or disliked, what brought them joy or pride, and what caused stress in their daily lives.

The picture that emerged was far more nuanced than public discourse often suggests. The children described both positive and negative aspects of their experiences, sometimes about the same traits. Attention difficulties were mentioned, but some children were not particularly troubled by them, and described their ability to hyperfocus on things of interest as a strength. Their feelings about high energy were mixed: whilst fun and empowering, they also recognised it as potentially annoying or disruptive to those around them. Relationships with friends and family mattered enormously, though impulsivity sometimes led to social challenges.

I would say that barely a day passes at Tooled Up Education without a parent or teacher writing to us about a child who is struggling with self-regulation, experiencing sensory sensitivities, or masking at school and then struggling greatly in the safety of home. When offering support, perhaps the most powerful insight from Daphne’s work is that our assumptions about what children find easy or challenging aren’t always correct. Listening with curiosity builds understanding, and can ultimately enable us to offer better, more tailored care.

Of course, how we respond to children’s behaviours shapes how they see themselves. Repeated messages, whether spoken or implied, can become part of their internal narrative, affecting their confidence and motivation. Positive self-perception is vital for all children, but perhaps even more so for children who feel ‘different’. But let’s also acknowledge the difficulties. Managing behaviours with empathy and understanding can be challenging for teachers working with a whole class, or for busy parents when a child is bouncing off the walls or having a post school meltdown. Balancing wider needs with understanding the why behind behaviour, and how our responses might make children feel, is essential.

Hard as it may be, it is important to remember that for children with certain neurodiversities, ‘acting out’ is not a choice or intentional. Behaviour might be thought of as the tip of the iceberg. There are always reasons, and disruptive behaviours tend to reflect the way an individual’s brain processes attention, stimulation or self-regulation. This time last year, we hosted a webinar with autistic advocate, Chris Bonnello. He spoke movingly about how life changing it was to realise that his personal strengths mattered. To support positive self-perception, Chris advised creating environments where all children can play to their strengths and develop connections with people who uplift them - life’s ‘radiators’, not ‘drains’.

Words also matter. At some of the schools we work with, staff have noticed that as awareness of neurodivergence has risen (which is positive), so has flippant usage of some of the language around it (not so positive). They describe pupils using phrases like, “I’m in my autistic era” or, “That’s so ADHD”, usually in a way which implies someone is weird, obsessive or awkward. Often said without malice, such language can still be hurtful, reducing complex neurological differences and identities to a passing trend, punchline or even an insult.

Our role might be to gently open up conversations about the difference between intent and impact. Impact can be significant, and might add to the pressure children and young people already feel to mask or suppress their interests, behaviours or ways of communicating. Talking about the kinds of phrases we should stop normalising and how to step away from or call out this kind of language is key.

If you’re inspired to put these ideas into practice, there are lots of excellent resources to help both parents and schools. For example, Autism Speaks has produced an excellent bank of videos for parents and caregivers of children with autism which can be found on YouTube. We also highly recommend this book, written by Dr Sophie Mooncey and Adele Devine, which can be read by both parents and teens alike, and Chris Bonnello’s website, Autistic Not Weird. If your child has received an autism diagnosis, The Amazing Autistic Brain Cards can frame discussions around diagnosis in a personalised, positive and meaningful way.

There are also many resources available to help schools make cultural shifts and bring neuroaffirming language and practices into their setting. Primary schools could consider the LEANS curriculum, which is a free programme for mainstream primary schools developed by the University of Edinburgh to introduce pupils aged 8-11 years to the concept of neurodiversity, and how it impacts our experiences at school. Dr Jerricah Holder’s School Wellbeing Cards can be used with children and young people to empower them to share their experiences of school/college, providing invaluable insight into the strengths and barriers that they encounter. Diverse Pathways is a treasure trove of resources and strategies for neurodiversity affirming practice in early childhood, and Mentally Healthy Schools has also produced toolkits for both primary and secondary schools to tie in with Neurodiversity Celebration Week.

Support

In lots of homes and schools, unfolding world events are opening up conversations that many of us feel ill equipped to deal with. In our wonderfully diverse society, lots of our children will have family connections to different countries, cultures or faiths, and they will encounter peers with differing perspectives and experiences. This kind of complexity is hard to manage and might result in disagreements, or sometimes even bullying. We can try to help all of our children understand that disagreement is natural, but respect, kindness and empathy should always guide our interactions.

As adults, we can model this by discussing emotions rather than assigning blame, and by helping children understand that words and actions have consequences for others. Supporting children to see situations from multiple perspectives, step into others’ shoes, celebrate differences and respond thoughtfully helps them navigate challenging topics with compassion and resilience. Children often repeat phrases without understanding their weight, so we can also think carefully about the language we use at home.

If children seem worried, we can gently explore what they know, remain curious and encourage discussion. Maintaining routines, especially around bedtime, can help manage anxiety. Introducing a “constructive worry time” earlier in the evening allows children to process concerns safely before going to bed. We can all try to use truthful, developmentally appropriate language, validate their feelings and answer any questions as best we can. Of course, digital hygiene is important. It’s a good idea to limit exposure to graphic news or distressing content, and talk openly about being digitally discerning, taking breaks and switching off when we feel overwhelmed.

Spending time outdoors and connecting with nature and friends can provide perspective, relaxation and boost emotional wellbeing, while reminding children of the many acts of human kindness that also occur in the world.

To help parents and teachers navigate challenging conversations in these complex times, we’ve organised two special, expert-led webinars which will run over the next week or so.

Firstly, staff from Tooled Up schools (particularly those teaching primary-aged children) are invited to our lunchtime webinar on Thoughtful Oracy, taking place this Friday 13th March at 12pm GMT. Here, Rob Unwin, education adviser and international trainer with philosophy education charity, Thoughtful (previously SAPERE), will introduce strategies rooted in the pedagogy of Philosophy for Children and Communities (P4C), designed to help teachers respond to children's challenging questions with good judgement.

Secondly, all Tooled Up members are invited to our webinar on Friday 20th March at 1pm GMT with leading child and adolescent psychiatrist, Dr Dennis Ougrin, and neuroscientist and psychologist, Anna Tarasenko, who has expertise in parenting during war, and trauma in children. They will discuss how children respond to distressing events and what adults can do to provide reassurance, perspective and emotional safety.