Reflect
Recently, I was asked to speak to a group of parents about sex, drugs and alcohol. For parents of thirteen year olds, these topics can feel safely parked on the far horizon of parenting, somewhere beyond GCSEs and just before learning to drive. They may even feel premature, or quietly irrelevant.
My hope, though, was that by the end of the evening those parents recognised that there is already work to be done at home. Not dramatic speeches or dire warnings, but the slower, braver work of opening conversations about subjects that feel awkward, uncomfortable and, if we are honest, deeply scary.
Coming of age has never been a single moment. It is a process shaped by curiosity, experimentation, belonging and the gradual learning of how to make decisions once the stakes begin to feel real. For young people today, those decisions increasingly involve drugs and alcohol, often earlier and more visibly than many parents realise.
Young people themselves tell us that alcohol, vaping products, cigarettes and cannabis are the substances they encounter most readily. After these come ketamine, cocaine, MDMA, LSD and magic mushrooms. These are not hidden or underground choices. They are visible, openly discussed, normalised and sometimes actively marketed in the spaces young people inhabit every day, both online and offline.
While writing this week’s Wednesday Wisdom, I asked my sixteen-year-old which substances he had already seen or come across at parties, or “gatherings”, as he calls them. His answer was simple: “Weed and some MDMA”. That second substance landed heavily. It immediately brought to mind Daniel Spargo-Mabbs, who died at the age of sixteen after attending an illegal rave, having told his mum, Fiona, that he was going to a friend’s house. Fiona channelled her grief into setting up a drug education charity that works in schools and colleges to enable young people to make more informed and safer choices about drugs, part of which is the play 'I Love You, Mum - I Promise I Won't Die'. It recounts Dan's story in the words of his family and friends and takes its title from his joking last words to his mum before he left home for what turned out to be the final time. The DSM Foundation also works with the adults in the lives of young people, such as parents, caregivers and school staff, and Fiona has written a book called I Wish I'd Known - Young People, Drugs and Decisions - A Guide for Parents and Carers.
One of the things Fiona speaks about most powerfully is about how close drugs are to ordinary family life, often without parents realising it. As she has said publicly, “I didn’t realise quite how easy it is to get hold of them. I didn’t realise how normalised it can become". She is careful to add that most young people do not use drugs, but for some, availability and familiarity can quietly lower perceived risk.
Beneath the fear these stories evoke sits an important and often reassuring truth. Parents remain the most influential source of information about drugs and alcohol. Despite the noise of social media, most young people still say they turn first to their parents when they want to understand these issues. Coming of age does not make parents irrelevant. It simply shifts the role from rule setter to guide.
This matters because adolescence is a period of neurological vulnerability. The teenage brain is still under construction. Systems linked to emotion and sensation develop earlier than those responsible for impulse control and long-term thinking. Add a heightened sensitivity to dopamine, a brain chemical associated with reward, and it becomes easier to understand why risk taking, particularly in social settings where peers are watching and phones are recording, can feel almost irresistible.
In truth, no parent can prevent every risky encounter. What we can do, through reflection and attuned dialogue, is help young people learn how to make sense of their experiences, to notice what they are feeling and to pause before acting. These are skills that matter not only across adolescence, but well into adulthood.
Motivate
One area where research challenges common assumptions is youth drinking. Over the past thirty years, there has been a consistent decline in alcohol use among young people in higher income countries. Teenagers today tend to start drinking later, drink less often and consume smaller amounts than previous generations. For many, alcohol has quietly lost its status as a rite of passage.
Young people describe several reasons for this shift. Stricter age verification has made access more difficult. Parental attitudes, even when unspoken, continue to shape norms more powerfully than many adults realise. Social lives have diversified beyond alcohol centred spaces, and a growing number of young adults are choosing not to drink at all, supported by alcohol free cultural trends that make abstinence feel normal rather than niche.
This is encouraging, but it does not mean alcohol is no longer a concern. There is no safe level of alcohol consumption for children and young adolescents. Alcohol can interfere with brain development, hormones, bone growth and liver function. Starting to drink before the age of 14-15 years is linked to higher risks of injury, violence, mental health difficulties and later substance misuse.
In my experience, there are many parents who feel that offering small amounts of alcohol at home will teach moderation. While understandable, evidence suggests this approach may increase rather than reduce risk. Teenagers who are given alcohol by parents often drink more, both inside and outside the home. By contrast, parental awareness of who young people are with and what they are doing consistently emerges as a protective factor.
At the same time as youth drinking has declined, drug use has risen, particularly cannabis use among 16-24 year olds. One explanation is that as alcohol use falls, underlying mental health difficulties become more visible. Many teenagers describe using substances not to celebrate, but to cope. This shift from outward celebration to inward coping deserves thoughtful attention rather than alarm.
Cannabis offers a clear example of how mixed cultural messages can confuse young people. Media portrayals, medical use, the availability of legal CBD products and widespread legalisation in other parts of the world all contribute to a narrative of safety that is not supported by evidence for adolescents. Teenage cannabis use is associated with higher rates of mental health difficulties, psychotic experiences and dependency, particularly with regular use. Today’s cannabis is also far stronger than in previous decades, and edibles introduce additional risk due to delayed and unpredictable effects.
Alongside this sits an evolving online drug marketplace. Substances are advertised on social media using emojis, menus and price lists, often appearing without being actively searched for. Polished branding and rapid delivery services can create a false sense of safety. Conversations about drugs therefore need to include digital literacy, online boundaries and the ability to recognise when offers are disguised as playful posts or lifestyle content.
If young people are to navigate this landscape well, they need conversations that begin early, remain calm and are grounded in honesty. They need adults who can explain not just what a substance is, but why it matters in the context of a young person’s own goals, values and relationships. They also need reassurance that support does not disappear when mistakes are made.
Support
If communication is a protective asset, then building it deliberately and early is essential. Conversations about drugs and alcohol work best when they start young and are revisited calmly and often. Children who grow up knowing these topics are not taboo are far less likely to shut down later, when the stakes feel higher.
Supporting young people also means helping them practise decision making before it really matters. Talking through realistic scenarios, such as being offered a vape at a party or seeing drugs advertised on Snapchat or WhatsApp, allows them to rehearse responses in advance. Even a brief pause before acting can reduce risk. In a world designed for instant reactions, learning to hesitate is a powerful and often underestimated skill. Giving our children and teens social scripts at moments of pivotal peer pressure can work well. Perhaps you feel like sharing moments from your own life where you felt under pressure to do something but had to find a way of refusing, resisting or declining. Young teens are often fascinated to learn we too were young once! We too went to parties once-upon-a-time and are acutely aware of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of pressure that promises popularity.
Coming of age is not about removing all risk. It is about walking alongside young people as they learn to navigate a complex world. Parents do not need perfect answers or flawless speeches. They simply need to stay present, stay curious and stay in the conversation, showing consistency, compassion and the occasional well-timed smile.
If you are reading this and have no idea to start even learning about drugs, our platform is packed full of information sheets on every type of drug, co-produced with the team at the Daniel Spargo-Mabbs Foundation. We urge you to explore their work and to read the resources we have carefully created for you. You can also listen to Fiona’s story yourself through many webinars and podcast interviews we have done with her over the years.
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Learn more about Fiona's story here.
Tune into this webinar where Fiona Spargo-Mabbs and Asha Fowells from the DSM Foundation explore how to approach tricky conversations about drugs and decision making.
Find a list of all of our resources on drugs and alcohol here, including all of the 'Quick Guides' we've produced with the DSM Foundation.