Reflect

This child is eight years old and lives near London but has never had the opportunity to visit it. She lives in a family that has no funds to enjoy extra-curricular activities or days out.

I could barely wait to see what she said about it on her return. After a long afternoon, she returned and I opened the car door to find her clutching her train ticket. “There was snow!” she said, referring to the artificial foam that dropped from the theatre sky during the performance and, “Brussels sprouts on parachutes!” and, “Sausages on strings!” Her recollections were joyously jumbled as she processed what she had seen and heard. She was truly buzzing. Her excitement was tangibly greater than when my boys had seen the play a few years ago, because for this child the whole day was a big “first".

Opportunity costs. For some families, a trip into London, and particularly to the theatre, is financially prohibitive. This is a sad reality, because children who are exposed to theatre in this way aren’t just entertained for the afternoon; their imaginations are ignited, their horizons extended, and new possibilities introduced. In an ideal world, the creative arts would be accessible to all and a regular feature of children’s lives.

There is good evidence that the creative arts can shape children’s thinking in ways that our complex world badly needs; being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and develop empathy for another person’s position is greatly aided by role-play or acting their part. Being able to consider different viewpoints and perspectives is easier when you have been encouraged to think “outside the box” and explore different angles or ways of looking at a problem (can you see the value here of classes in philosophy, art or photography, for example?). Imagine too the ability of tech to bring children closer to lived experience, the power of virtual reality in the classroom, and the ways we could be using it to ignite imaginations. So much to think about.

In some ways, this particular show, A Christmas Carol, reminds us, year after year of the transformative power of empathy: how a single moment of seeing the world through another’s eyes can shift a person from isolation to connection, from scarcity to generosity. Scrooge’s journey is ultimately one of awakening, realising that joy grows when it is shared, that community matters, and that small acts of kindness can sometimes alter the course of someone’s life.

Motivate

Once upon a time, in 2018, I decided to doggedly pursue a “perfect Christmas” for my boys, so I booked a trip to my favourite city for the festive season. We stayed in my favourite hotel, booked wonderful meals, and organised what I considered to be the perfect thing to do in Paris as a 10-year-old: a kids’ tour of the Louvre. How would my children react to seeing the Mona Lisa, the Venus de Milo, or the French crown jewels in real life?

Arriving at our “perfect” hotel, I realised my “perfect” trip just wasn’t going to pan out. It coincided with the Gilets Jaunes (yellow vest) riots, and there was something akin to a military tank positioned outside the hotel lobby with a water cannon attached to it. The doorman ushered us inside with a sense of urgency, and the gendarmes were standing at the revolving doors holding machine guns. My boys were absolutely ecstatic, gleefully requesting pictures with a guy who resembled Rambo. They weren’t remotely interested in the Christmas décor in the lobby, nor in going anywhere.

Once in our room, whilst I admired the furniture and the bathroom, they were glued to the window watching war-like scenarios unfold on the street below.

As it was late evening, I excitedly unfurled our matching M&S pyjamas, all of which were rejected outright. There was “no way” they were wearing them, and I wearily wondered if I had kept the tags. Yes, we visited the Louvre and various other museums that weekend, but overall, our trip was expensive, tense and dissatisfying. In retrospect, I blame myself. I imposed my idea of the perfect Christmas on them, valued luxury over simplicity, and failed to attune to their actual interests. That is not to say that we parents shouldn’t do things at Christmas with our families that we value and enjoy, but perhaps my trip reminds us all that children enjoy simplicity, often like being at home, and don’t require anything too fancy to feel happy.

Sometimes, lowering our expectations and rejecting the toxic perfectionistic holiday-season snaps that we routinely scroll through on social media is the best gift we can give ourselves. I know for a fact that my children would have been happier that weekend at home watching a movie, eating my roast potatoes, and playing Monopoly after lunch. Now that my boys are much older, they have limited memories of our trip to Paris, recalling only the cannons rather than the crêpes.

There is little doubt we are all very, very tired at this time of year. Our children are tired too. As school winds down, it can be tempting for us parents to feel the pressure rising to drum up a perfect Christmas, but before we come up with plans, why not ask our loved ones what they want to get out of the break ahead? It can feel counterintuitive to plan when it comes to holidays, but a little forward thinking can help to ward off disappointment.

Emotions often run high at Christmas, so it’s good to check in before forging ahead. They run high because we tend to have high expectations of ourselves and others. They also run high because, during festive times, we stop and reflect, an exercise that can be particularly difficult if we have suffered bereavement or loss. December marks the end of the year, calling us to account for what we have achieved (or not). For some, it will be a period characterised by financial strain, stress, looming household bill rises, and unexpected boiler problems.

An antidote to all of this may be a dose of realism, authenticity, gratitude, planning, acceptance, self-compassion and delegation. The more we model these values, the higher the chance we have of actually enjoying ourselves and having the festive break that we truly want.

I would like to suggest another reason why emotions run high at this time of year: families often ditch an authoritative parenting style for a more laissez-faire approach, thinking it is good to give everyone a break from the pressure of routine. Sleep routines and expectations around screen use and screen time are often momentarily paused in favour of unscheduled time.

Unfortunately, counterintuitively perhaps, research suggests that it’s optimal to maintain behavioural expectations and sleep routines during holiday periods. Without the scaffolding of normalcy, things may slide into argument or confusion, and good behaviour may decline. Sleep deprivation, in particular, may contribute to family tensions. So, before you ditch the rules you fought so hard to introduce to family life, give it some consideration.

Support

Sensory overload, for example, is something many autistic children and young people struggle with during the festive season. Flashing lights, loud music, multiple conversations at once, changes in routine or unexpected visitors can all turn what is meant to be joyful into something deeply uncomfortable. Building in small adjustments can make a tremendous difference: allowing children to open presents slowly and in their own time, offering a quiet “retreat space” where someone can decompress, using gentle lighting, or agreeing in advance which parts of the day can remain predictable.

A little forward planning can help visitors feel less overwhelmed. Beacon House provides a wonderful guide full of practical, trauma-informed strategies that support sensory regulation and emotional safety during busy celebrations. Their guidance suggests preparing children for sensory surprises, keeping transitions gentle, allowing for breaks, and handling gift-giving and mealtimes in ways that reduce pressure rather than add to it. Additional ideas are put forward here by Family Action.

There are many similar organisations that offer bespoke guidance for families who want to make celebrations as enjoyable and accessible as possible for children with additional needs. There are lots of wonderful ideas here to ensure children can attend wheelchair-accessible events in the UK. RNIB maintains a “Christmas Hub” with accessible activities designed for children with vision impairment, full of sensory-rich ideas and inclusive ways to celebrate the season.

And of course, sustainability and cost are increasingly on many families’ minds. WWF UK has published a set of practical, environmentally friendly ideas, from low-waste wrapping to nature-based crafts and budget-conscious homemade gifts, which can help simplify celebrations while keeping them inclusive and mindful.

With awareness, empathy, and a willingness to adapt, we can create gatherings where every child feels comfortable, welcomed, and able to enjoy any festive, family situation.