Reflect

This fact astonished me because his department dealt with tens of thousands of cases at any one time! Before the talk, I was well-versed in these stats: 30% of women worldwide will experience physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. One in four women have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16 in the UK. At least one woman a week is killed by a male partner/ex-partner each week in this country (ONS, 2023). However, Sir Hill’s reflection brought home the sheer scale of this form of abuse and hardened my commitment to early intervention and education.

Many, many outstanding professionals and/or people with lived experience are already doing their best to campaign for change and be forces of good. For me, one person has always stood out and really inspired me: Claire Throssell MBE.

Last week, Claire featured in several media interviews, as did her tragic backstory, because she was involved in an historical legal “win”. In 2014, after leaving an abusive marriage, she warned the family court, repeatedly, that her two sons (Jack and Paul) were at serious risk in the care of their father. Despite this, the court granted him unsupervised contact, influenced by a legal presumption that involvement from both parents is usually in a child’s best interests.

During one of these contact visits, the father deliberately set fire to the family home, killing both children. As she held one of her dying sons in her arms, and he disclosed that his father had done it, ‘on purpose’, she made him a promise that this would never happen to another child. She has since dedicated her life to changing the system that failed them. Last week, following 11 years of tireless campaigning, supported by organisations such as Women’s Aid, the UK government announced it would remove an automatic presumption within the relevant act to parental access and instead prioritise child safety.

I often think about Claire; her astonishing commitment to change, her energy, fuelled by both maternal love and searing grief, and her steadfast determination to secure a positive legacy for Jack and Paul.

Next week, in the UK, it is ‘anti-bullying week’, where the theme centres on ‘power for good’. When I think of the phrase “power for good”, she springs to mind immediately. When we are purposeful in our action, as she is, we are determined in our commitment for change to occur and more likely to succeed.

In anti-bullying weeks, the focus tends to be getting children to think about being kinder to their mates and perhaps braver when it comes to challenging bullying behaviour.

However, before we start educating children, I believe this thematic week should give adults some pause for thought. How adept are we at spotting harmful bullying behaviour in our own homes or workplaces? Perhaps pause to consider our own behaviour first. Perhaps you are reading this and recognise that you struggle to control your jealousy, anger or to manage feelings of rejection. If that is the case, lean into your own vulnerability and find the courage to seek help. There are many organisations working in this space who want to listen and support you.

Motivate

How can we encourage our children to be forces for good in their own lives and in the lives of others? Just reminding them to ‘be kind’ isn’t really going to cut it. Ideally, we need to help them understand the weight and impact of their personal choices.

We can talk to them about how powerful they are when they demonstrate courage, which is so often quiet, demonstrated in the moments when they include someone who has been left out, or in the moments when they choose to challenge unkindness towards others, or when they simply refuse to laugh along. When children understand that power is not about dominance but responsibility, that it can be used to protect dignity, increase belonging and reduce harm, they can begin to use it with intention. That is a foundation of raising not just ‘nice’ children, but principled ones.

What are the ways in which we can bring the concept of ‘power for good’ into our daily lives with children? As per usual, we need to consciously model the behaviour we wish to see for starters. If you hear someone being talked about in an unkind way, address it explicitly by saying “Listen, I’m not really comfortable with how you are talking about X here, it feels unkind”. Use everyday teachable moments to talk through ‘what if’ scenarios’. What could you do if you were walking behind someone who had a physical disability and your friend started mimicking them and laughing? What could you do if your friend showed you a video of someone being teased or taunted on social media? I prefer the word ‘could’ to ‘would’ because it is brimming with parental expectation that we use our personal power positively.

Be honest about the barriers to always being the brave, positive bystander and talk it through. What factors do they tend to weigh up before they say something? Discuss various ways to challenge poor behaviour (frowning, walk away, calling it out, etc) and ask them which technique they have used in everyday life and/or during online interactions. As a family, perhaps create a habit of reflection time; ask your children from time to time, how they have used their ‘power for good’ that day, or that week. This kind of reflection builds self-awareness and demonstrates what we value within our family lives.

Support

According to Professor James O'Higgins Norman, appearance is the number one cause of bullying globally. This is followed by race and skin colour. Other common reasons for bullying are being from a poorer family, being a migrant, the child of a migrant and gender non-conformity.

Research shows that there are numerous different impacts of bullying, for victims, perpetrators and for observers. In the short-term, victims of bullying are at risk of anxiety, school absenteeism and poor school performance. In the longer term, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbance, loss of self-esteem, poor life satisfaction, suicidal ideation and even suicide attempts are all greater risks for individuals who have been victims of bullying.

Interestingly, for perpetrators, the impacts are also wide ranging. In the short term, bullying can sometimes result in an increase in status and power, and perhaps admiration from peers, though it does not necessarily bring friendship. However, in the longer term, perpetrators of bullying are associated with lower academic attainment and employment difficulties. They are more likely to be of lower socioeconomic status as life goes on, with a higher risk of being involved in domestic violence and criminal behaviour into young adulthood. By tackling bullying in childhood collectively, we can reduce the risk of many harms that can blight lives in the longer term.

When we talk to our children this week or next about bullying, remind them that bullies always need an audience; they desire visibility, power and status. As such, when we witness bullying, we can powerfully shape the outcome through our responses in the moment. By filming an incident on our phones and laughing, we would reward the bully’s desire for social status. By circulating a video of a bully’s behaviour, we also give such behaviour oxygen. By saying nothing and smiling, we can still inadvertently motivate the bully to keep going. It is good to draw children and young people’s attention to the role we can have in fuelling or reducing a bully’s power through our bystandership.

Ultimately, “power for good” is not a slogan, but a daily practice, one that begins with self-reflection, is strengthened through intentional modelling and is sustained by the courage to act in ordinary moments. Whether we are parents, educators, colleagues or simply members of a community, we each carry influence. We can choose to use it to protect rather than to ignore, to amplify compassion rather than cruelty and to create environments where dignity is non-negotiable.

Real cultural change does not arrive through themed weeks or policies alone, but through thousands of those quiet, repeated choices, and through commitment, the kind that Claire Throssell has modelled with extraordinary clarity. If we can help our children, and ourselves, recognise our own power and use it with integrity, then “power for good” becomes less an aspiration and more a legacy.