Reflect

I am one of that cohort of anxious parents and carers. So, I wanted to write to get things off my chest, manage my own anxiety, model some sort of approach to results day that might be helpful to anyone reading this and attempt to reframe tomorrow as just another day in an otherwise long and wonderful life!

Before we reframe, let’s acknowledge that, whether we like it or not, tomorrow is an important day. It does matter. These exams are gateway exams, passport exams, trolls on the bridge of opportunity and like it or not, they can to some degree shape the direction our children’s lives take, as well as potentially impact on how they feel about themselves.

Those of us who have faced high stakes exams in our lives likely have a vivid memory of results day. I have never forgotten the paced prayers that went on up and down our family home driveway as we all waited for my brother’s results back in 1990! Or the fact I was given enough reward money to buy a Sony Walkman in 1992 when I passed my A levels. Something that jars in my mind from that day many moons ago, is the fact that a family member opened my results before me and brought them to me whilst I was still upstairs in bed. This was done out of concern and love, because they wanted to save me from any bad news, but in fact their altruistic act robbed me from a joyous, milestone moment.

I know parents that are desperate to know their teens’ results first and are ready to steam open those envelopes, hack into their offspring’s email or beg the school to give them a hint, but none of this is right, proper, fair, appropriate or even legal!

I have always taught my children that we tend to reap what we sow in life, so I am trying to come to terms with the fact that whatever grades my son gets tomorrow, they are likely to be grades that he deserves. To be honest, I welcome knowing how his capabilities across subjects compare nationally. Either way, the results will provide interesting insights. There may well be some grumbles about grades or complaints he should have done better, but I am steadying myself to accept the grades, whatever they are. That said, I am totally ready to fund any re-marks if he manages to get a score just shy of any grade boundary!

Ahead of tomorrow, as parents, we can spend a little bit of time managing our own emotions so we can support them. Why do we need to do this? Because how we respond to their results is something they are likely never to forget. That is a big responsibility.

I am absolutely determined that if things go awry tomorrow, my son doesn’t think I am disappointed in him. Young people’s mental health has to be an absolute priority. This age group is particularly vulnerable to mental health difficulties, and coupled with the stress of results day they are often juggling other transitions over the coming months. Let’s steady ourselves.

Over what is left of today and tonight, let’s listen more than talk. Ask them what they need from you, if anything. Think about how you might spend the evening. Perhaps avoid answering phonecalls from relatives demanding they get told first thing. Keep well-wishers away from anxious teens, as this can really add pressure. Manage family expectations by telling everyone how and when you will reveal the results. I have told my own family that if all is well, they will hear from us immediately, but if things don’t unfold as hoped, I will be busy in the morning supporting my son with phone calls, emails and working through clearing options.

Being there for our children might mean taking time to help process what has happened, good or bad, and to help them think through a whole range of scenarios as well as support them to manage the flow of information coming their way from excited or disappointed peers via smartphones and social media tomorrow.

Motivate

We have all likely heard of UCAS (the Universities and Colleges Admissions Service); the UK’s central organisation that processes applications for higher education. UCAS’s Get Results Day Ready this Summer guide lays out six practical steps that you can think through today as a family. They suggest that at the very least, we ensure that we ‘understand the different outcomes’ - and learn what each application status means (e.g., “confirmed,” “unsuccessful,” or “clearing”). Amongst the sea of content out there, I found this video particularly helpful, as it focuses the mind, highlights key information and reassuringly reframes how clearance works in a way that inspires optimism.

Create a little plan of action for the morning. Where will your teen collect their results from? Do they know? Have they read information from the school yet? Schedule time immediately afterwards to check their UCAS Hub with them. Know the options if they change their mind. Whether it’s a new course, a different institution or a gap year, the UCAS site will explain how to amend their choices, even on results day itself.

Clearing officially opened on 5 July, with available courses visible in UCAS’s search tool from that date onwards. However, tomorrow the UCAS Hub opens at 08:00 UK time, and applicants can add a Clearing choice from 13:00 UK time. Use UCAS’s search tool to favourite courses and note down course codes and contact numbers in advance. Seek support. Remind your teen that they are not alone: UCAS’s helplines (0371 468 0468) are open results-day morning for application queries, and their school or college’s UCAS adviser can also likely provide guidance.

Ensure your teen has their UCAS ID, password and personal details ready (e.g., date of birth, exam board information) and at hand. Make sure their UCAS has up-to-date contact details and that nominated access permissions have been sorted out if they want you to make some calls on their behalf tomorrow.

By following these steps, we might just turn a potentially stressful morning into a clear, manageable process. There are some small reassurances coming out from UCAS as I write across news outlets, which might help sprinkle your evening with a little bit of hope and allow us all to get a good night’s sleep!

As tricky as it might be, if you can, clear your own decks tomorrow. As parents, we will be comforting them or celebrating alongside them, and either way you will want to be there. If you can’t be there, perhaps a kind relative or friend could support them if they need it.

Rather than dwell tonight on things we can’t control or influence, let’s think about the things that we can. Anchor yourself in your unconditional love for your child which no exam can affect. Tell them you are proud of them today, rather than wait for tomorrow. Reassure them that you are in it together and that there is always a Plan A, B and C and that most things have a way of panning out. As I write, I am thinking about a friend who had to resit two A levels ahead of a sparkling career as a medic, and a leading Cambridge Professor who told me they realised on results day that they didn’t want to study a particular subject and instead took a year out, deciding to pursue different A levels. Sometimes calamity brings out courageous actions that can end up being magnificent, life-changing redirections. Have faith!

Support

Whilst there's pride in watching our children take big steps toward independence, it often comes with feelings of uncertainty, worry and even a sense of loss. Parents may struggle with knowing how much guidance to offer without overstepping, balancing the desire to protect with the need to let go. There's also the challenge of adapting to a new family dynamic at home, especially if your teen is the first or last to leave. It's a time of growth for both teens and parents, requiring open communication, trust and a willingness to embrace change together.

Like with all things in life, try to get organised and obtain the information you all need to feel good about the change that is coming. If you are comfortable with where your child is going and they are comfortable, that is a good starting point. Tooled Up parents can use our University Packing List to talk through what they might need.

As a family, have a detailed look at their chosen university or college website. Ensure they know where key services are at their new college or university and encourage them to make contact with them. This will be particularly important for young people with mental health difficulties, health concerns or learning support requests.

Look at how the terms are structured within their new setting and discuss how much contact and time at home your young person might want or need. Talk about your mutual expectations regarding hearing from them. How much contact do you need with them to feel reassured they are safe and well? What might feel like too much for them? Perhaps there can be an agreement that you revise the level of communication occasionally over the term-time?

If they worry about anything, listen rather than offer solutions. Aim to problem-solve together and reassure them that you can help them work things out along the way. If your young person is staying at home rather than flying the nest, what changes might you want to implement to support their age and stage?

Before they leave, check the life skills required to survive outside the comfort of the family home are sorted out! Professor Peter Hill has a useful slide at the beginning of this webinar that Tooled Up parents can use to think about core skills that are worth honing ahead of their imminent departure!

Lastly, before September hits, it is good to have a practical chat about finances for the year ahead. Talk to them about managing their budget and about the potential need for them to work in the month before college or university starts. There are many daunting changes afoot, but by reminding our young people that we are still ‘in it together’, we can give them the confidence to make good choices collaboratively, in a way that helps them practise making grown-up decisions in this new frontier called adulthood.