Reflect

In auditing one’s current work/life balance perhaps a focus on energy levels is a good place to start. Those energy levels will often stem from factors such as the quality of sleep we get, the extent to which we exercise and what we choose to digest every day.

As soon as I reflect on these things to myself, I sigh. “But I have so much work to do!”, “I have too much to think about, no wonder I am waking up at 3am!”, “But a glass of wine occasionally helps me relax”. The funny thing is, sometimes by listening to our own internal rebukes to the core pillars of wellbeing: sleep, nutrition and exercise, we hear what needs to change. Better prioritisation of tasks would help me find balance, perhaps some delegation? I could schedule exercise so that it becomes a non-negotiable ‘rock’ in my week? I could buy a delicious non-alcoholic beverage to replace a glass of wine at the end of a long day. See? We already know what we need, we just need to prioritise this prioritisation exercise.

An additional “Tooled Up Tip” which I have often shared in talks, but that I have just adopted to curb early waking, is worrying more constructively. Instead of ruminating on the pillow at night about work, the impending departure of my son for university, my excessive mobile phone bill or the fact my mother is visiting soon and I haven’t got a spare bed, I spend 15 minutes merrily listing my worries and then brainstorming ‘solutions’ that can make them feel less worrying. This happens early in the evening, not late. The idea (espoused by sleep researchers) is that once my head hits the pillow, I can redirect my thoughts toward(s) the list of solutions rather than the list of worries. By doing so, I have a higher chance of falling asleep more effortlessly.

Paying attention to how we feel everyday can play an important role in supporting our resilience and mental health. Sounds fancy but it is easy to do. There is even a free app that helps ask the question and provides you with suggestions to feel better. Developed by one of the world’s leading experts on emotional literacy, Professor Marc Brackett at Yale University, you can enjoy being asked to ‘check in’ daily and then receive visual evaluations of how you felt at the end of each week. Such tangible insights, coupled with evidence-based tips to improve health, mood and wellbeing, can rapidly move us towards a more balanced emotional state.

I started this piece talking about being busy, but I could reframe that as merely ‘purposeful’. I could try to relish the ups and downs of each week, rather than dread them, knowing I am loving my job and have kind intentions. I could also zoom out from time to time and seek solace in nature, the companionship of amusing friends and perspective from getting out and about!

Stopping work well each evening might require us to signal a shift to ourselves and others. How will your small children know you are done for the day and ready to play? How will my partner know that I am done for the day and free to chat? Say it or signal it. I recently bought a new desk that doubles as a console. At night, I close the lid and the desks morphs from being a busy space, littered with papers, into an elegant table with a vase on top. The action of closing the desk helps me transition from busy worker to present partner and parent.

Motivate

Truth be told, over-scheduling can be a symptom of aspiration anxiety and FOMO rather than a response to what our children really need. It can lead to burnout, not just of the child, but for mum/dad driving them all over the place, missing family dinners to wait in cars outside piano lessons, early morning activities that can compromise sleep and rest. We have all done it, and it is easy for me to look back and ask parents to rethink over-scheduling when my children are much, much older.

However, I would argue that children and young people need proper unscheduled pockets of time in September more than they need a packed schedule. Why? Because transition can be exhausting, encompassing new friendships and revised timetables, new subjects, teachers, travel journeys to school and back and fresh workloads that children need to get used to navigating and coping with. It is all good stuff, but it is a lot! Don’t rush to fill an empty evening or weekend and instead relish in the last remaining days of September sunlight having family walks and talking more.

Children need to be able to develop their own sense of what feels ok and what doesn’t, and many can do this well already. Think about toddlers who literally lie down when they have had enough in the middle of a supermarket!

In the past, I have heard from parents of primary-age children requesting not to go to a birthday party on a Saturday afternoon because they just want to play at home. Children are naturally enthusiastic for the things that give them meaning, purpose and joy and they have a right to do those things when they aren’t busy with homework. How can we facilitate that? Try some of the resources mentioned in the ‘Tooled Up’ box below for starters to prompt family discussions or use them yourself to ponder how things are going for you.

Support

Adults can barely cope with the proliferation of content that flows into inboxes and floods our social media accounts; algorithms move us towards endless reels designed to retain our attention at all costs. Acknowledging that finding balance in terms of time spent off digital devices is hard for us - and can be hard for children - is an important starting point.

What we are modelling matters, and we can model positive digital behaviour by noisily stating and signalling: “Right, time to put down my phone, I have been on social media now for more than ten minutes!”, or “Hmm, this social media account is showing me things that are making me upset, I am going to unfollow…”. We can adopt such an approach no matter the age of our children.

Balance is about learning to be discerning too. Over the past week, some graphic and disturbing content of an assassination in the United States circulated quicker on TikTok and Instagram than parents could warn their children. By the time I saw my teen in the morning, he was halfway out the door to school, knew all about the clip and several links had been sent his way. I asked him to exercise good judgement and not to watch it. Teaching children to be digitally discerning and able to cope with peer pressures in digital landscapes is a key part of seeking balance in their lives. Balance, after all, is about protecting one’s wellbeing and making positive decisions that feel individually nurturing and that resonate with one’s core values.

There is much competition for our time, attention and money in the digital age, but we are not at the mercy of it. Each one of us has the power to simply turn things off, unfollow, mute, archive, delete and to put devices down and do something else.

The final piece of the ‘balance’ puzzle is seeking and offering support. Research shows that those with strong personal and professional support networks experience lower levels of burnout. But support doesn’t only come from colleagues, it comes from friends, family, and community. Ask yourself: Who’s in my army? Who encourages me, grounds me, or lifts me up when I need it?

As we step into a new season let’s enjoy every second of it (before Christmas trees start showing up in shops). Let’s relish the changing colours in nature, our good health, the joy of social connection and the fact we are alive, well and retaining our sense of hopeful optimism in a world where division, unkindness and hatred are so often brutally amplified through digital and social media. Let’s keep looking up and working towards a clear sense of balance.