Reflect

Ahead of a Tooled Up webinar this Thursday (23rd April), which will focus on understanding and recovering from autistic exhaustion, the first two sections of this week’s Wednesday Wisdom are written by Hannah Abrahams. Hannah is a Chartered Educational and Child Psychologist who has been supporting children for over 20 years. This week's support section is written by Tooled Up’s Dr Cassie Rhodes. Over to Hannah!

Over the years, I have been privileged to meet children and families who have felt safe enough to tell their stories, share their hope and their despair in equal measure and reach out with questions about what next.

Increasingly (and I have noticed this particularly since Covid), children who were once gregarious, outgoing, and academically and socially successful, have experienced times of feeling withdrawn, uncertain and low in their moods. For some children and young people, particularly those who are autistic, these experiences can become consuming.

As a society, we often tend to look towards the person who is experiencing the troubles and isolation, and we often need opportunities and time to unpick what is really happening around them. Why is it that this vibrant young girl (let’s call her Jen) has not been to school in six months and now finds walking the dog utterly overwhelming, but will push herself to do it because, ultimately, she wants to be able to "join back in"?

Often, after careful, curious and sensitive discussions and questions we can begin to get to the heart of the matter. Jen has spent the last few years feeling utterly overwhelmed, so much so that one day when she woke up, she couldn't speak or eat and she just wanted to shut the world out. Jen is experiencing a form of autistic burnout. But how is the external "system" impacting upon this, and what measures can be taken to quell the noise and overwhelm and help her to feel safe to begin to engage again?

Research on energy accounting tells us that autistic burnout is caused by chronic energy expenditure and exposure without practical recovery. Think of it like a phone battery that has been running on 2% for months. It doesn't just need a quick charge, it needs to be taken off the grid entirely for a while. When burnout causes a loss of previously held skills or significant withdrawal, it can be frightening for families and deeply confusing for schools. It can look like defiance, depression or disengagement. It is none of these things.

One reframe that many families find helpful is to understand that, in a state of burnout, the brain enters a kind of "conservation mode". This is not something that an individual is choosing to do. Nor is it wilfulness. Actually, the brain is protecting itself by shutting down non-essential functions in the face of chronic overwhelm. This understanding alone can reduce the emotional temperature in a household or classroom enormously, and this reduction in temperature is itself part of the recovery.

Motivate

Firstly, I’d advise any families dealing with burnout to identify the lowest-cost responsibilities and protect those first. For ‘Jen’, that might be walking the dog. It might be sitting at the table for a meal. For us parents, lowering the expectations we have of and for our children might feel counterintuitive. However, in doing so, we begin to create a stable foundation from which growth can happen. Small acts of daily life like these matter enormously and should be acknowledged as the achievements they genuinely are.

Secondly, we can seek micro-recoveries. These are short, intentional moments of genuine rest. Think activities that are quiet and gentle on the senses, rather than anything (including activities on screen) that might overstimulate. What counts as a micro-recovery will be different for every child. In a calm moment, it is well worth asking your young person about what helps them to feel less ‘full’.

We can also try to think about sensory load throughout the day. We often overlook how much energy is consumed simply by managing a noisy, unpredictable sensory environment. We can strive to conserve energy by reducing unnecessary sensory demands (including around food, clothing, light and sound).

Finally, reintroduce things gradually and with predictability. Movement towards re-engagement works best when it is incremental and containable. Entering the school building for ten minutes with a trusted adult might not feel like much to you. In fact, it might feel like failure. But remember, for a child who hasn’t been able to step foot inside the building for months, it’s progress. Predictability, routine and a reduction in sensory overload all contribute to building the conditions in which a young person can begin to re-engage on their own terms.

Alongside these practical strategies, the lens through which we interpret a child's behaviour shapes everything. Mentalisation, which is the capacity to see a child's actions as meaningful communication rather than deliberate difficulty, offers a powerful frame here. When Jen cannot find words, she communicates through behaviour. Her refusal to enter the school building is providing those around her with a message about her nervous system, rather than one about school. When we can hold that understanding, we become less reactive, more curious and far more useful to her.

The language we use in schools and at home carries real weight. However well intentioned, phrases like, "She's capable when she wants to be" or, "She was fine last year", can deepen shame and increase the effort it takes for a young person to ask for help. Moving instead towards language that reflects what we now know ("Her brain is recovering." "She is working hard even when it doesn't look like it." "This is not about motivation.") creates a different environment entirely.

Jen wants to join back in. That impulse, that flicker of wanting, is precious and it is real. Our role as the adults around her is to hold the space steady and safe enough for her to find her own way back. Resist the temptation for urgency or expectation. Recovery from autistic burnout is rarely linear, but with the right support, understanding and patience, it is possible.

If you are a parent or a teacher and recognise these experiences in someone you love or work with, please know, you are not alone in finding this hard. And neither are they.

Support

Allergies affect millions of people across the UK and they can appear at any age. Despite how common they are, many of us struggle to recognise the symptoms or access the support we need. As a result, many people live with allergy symptoms for years without understanding what is causing them or how to manage them safely. The theme of this year’s campaign, run by Allergy UK, is 'I Wish I Knew… Diagnosis Matters'. The key message is that recognising that symptoms may be linked to an allergy and seeking a diagnosis is the first step to accessing the right care and taking control.

Having a child with an allergy or allergies can be incredibly stressful for parents. Even mild or seasonal symptoms can become another thing to monitor and factor into already busy family life. But serious allergies require constant vigilance. My only experience of this comes from chaperoning a weekend sporting event a few years ago, and it felt like a huge responsibility. One of the children in my care had a life-threatening nut allergy. As chaperones, we’d been trained to administer EpiPens and carried them with us at all times. We had to fully brief the hotel and ensure that nothing at breakfast or dinner could possibly contaminate the food. We also had to buy and make lunch for the children each day. I remember placing a supermarket order and obsessively checking and rechecking the ingredients to ensure that nothing had any trace of nuts.

It was exhausting and, at times, genuinely a bit anxiety-provoking, and I only had the responsibility for a weekend. As a parent, of course this becomes part of everyday life and families develop routines and knowledge to manage it. But it’s easy to see how the additional layer of worry could feel heavy at times.

We often think of severe allergies as life-threatening, and for some, they sadly are. But for many more people, whilst they may not be likely to be catastrophic, they can still be deeply disruptive to everyday life. Hay fever, for example, impacts about 25% of the UK population. It can affect sleep, concentration, mood and overall wellbeing, particularly for children trying to learn in busy classrooms or sit exams during peak pollen season. In fact, one study comparing mock exam results (taken in winter) with summer exam performance found that teenagers with hay fever were 50% more likely to drop a grade in the summer. Those who were treating their hay fever with short-acting, sleep-inducing antihistamines (which long-time Tooled Up contributor and leading paediatric allergy consultant, Professor Adam Fox warns should always be avoided) were 60% more likely to drop a grade!

About 15% of the UK population gets severe hay fever, the type which cannot be easily managed with non-sleepy antihistamines or over the counter nasal sprays. In these cases, getting in early with treatment is key. For many, nasal sprays with steroids are effective. These should be started before the hay fever season begins and are safe for long-term use. Professor Fox advises that the dose taken can generally be increased after discussion with your GP if it is proving ineffective.

There are also licensed products to help desensitise pollen allergies, so if a combination of nasal sprays and antihistamines does not help, Professor Fox suggests that you speak to your doctor. Desensitisation treatment can make a significant difference, and whilst not a cure, it can improve hayfever symptoms by 30%-40%, a potentially significant impact for any teen facing important exams.

Encouragingly, thanks to a group of leading experts, significant progress is being made in allergy awareness and care across the UK. The National Allergy Strategy was launched this week, setting out national policy foundations and actions in all areas, including education. Following a campaign by his family and leading experts, Benedict's Law has also been passed. This introduces a set of national protections designed to improve allergy safety in schools, following the death of five-year-old Benedict Blythe from anaphylaxis at school, in 2021.

In March 2026, new statutory guidance for schools on allergy risk management was announced, which will come into effect in September 2026. From that point, schools in the UK will be required to stock “spare” adrenaline auto-injectors for emergency use, provide allergy awareness training for all staff, and implement a comprehensive policy for supporting children with medical conditions.

At Tooled Up, we’re planning to work with medical professionals to develop practical online guidance for schools, so do watch this space.