Reflect

Just how proactive do we need to be in our parenting to achieve the goal of contentment? Do we need a strategy to ensure summer doesn’t disappoint? How soon should such planning take place, and how do we go about it?

I’ve just emerged from the rather lengthy tunnel of summer exam season and am giving myself an A* for somehow ensuring both teens made it to all 40 exams and back, that we didn’t lose a single water bottle, and that hay fever was kept (mostly) at bay. As the summer term draws to a close, parents are conscious of the enormous effort we put into our parenting throughout the year, and we relish the idea of no school runs for a couple of months.

While summer feels like it should be a positive experience, the lack of structure can also be a source of anxiety. How can we ensure our children relax, but don’t spend hours glued to a screen? Will their friends be around? Should we book events in advance? What role should we play in shaping their days?

For working parents, it can also be a little daunting to think about the targets and workloads that don’t vanish just because school ends. The end of June offers a valuable moment to reflect as a family. How do we want to feel when September arrives? How can we balance activity with rest, and avoid both burnout and boredom? And how can we help our children stay intellectually stimulated while still giving them the break they deserve?

Motivate

As soon as GCSEs ended, my youngest announced that he was going to pursue his goal of learning how to breakdance! I’ll be honest, learning to do head spins hadn’t been on my list of summer goals for him. Meanwhile, my eldest is planning to climb a mountain in Scotland with friends - an ambitious and healthy antidote to months of being cooped up over a laptop.

While summer brings freedom, that very freedom can also leave children feeling a bit unmoored. This is where subtle but steady support becomes crucial. Rather than dictating how every day should unfold, consider offering scaffolding: light structure, gentle routine and shared planning.

Some teens may resist overtly planned activities, but motivation can emerge from a little family brainstorming. Consider starting a “summer bucket list”, where everyone contributes one or two ideas - something fun, something adventurous, or even something silly. With younger children, it could be as simple as building a den in the garden, having a ‘yes day’, exploring a local museum, setting up a home “café” or making bubbles in the garden.

Younger ones also benefit from a loose weekly rhythm that includes outdoor play, quiet time, creative exploration and connection with others. It’s in these routines that children find comfort and security. And let’s not underestimate the importance of sleep. Late nights are part of the fun, but consistent sleep and wake times help prevent that end-of-summer slump where everyone’s exhausted and emotionally frayed. Did you know that the experts recommend that for most children, morning lie ins shouldn't extend to more than two hours beyond their usual wake time to avoid a feeling of 'social jet lag'? If your child's wake up time gets later and later as the summer progresses, you can always help matters along a little by opening their curtains in the morning and letting daylight in. They may not thank you in the moment, but it will help them to feel more refreshed in the long run.

Maintaining a gentle routine doesn’t just support mood and energy levels, it helps children sustain their independence too. Try giving them more responsibility for their daily flow. Can they choose what to do after lunch? Could they help plan the family’s Friday night dinner? Or manage their own reading time? Can you give them opportunities to find out just how capable or competent they are? Can they help you with a house project? Learn a new skill?

Our own actions over the summer can both motivate and have a positive impact on our children. If they see us actively engaging with our own goals, reading for pleasure, picking up a forgotten skill, or simply taking downtime seriously, they are much more likely to do the same.

Trying something slightly out of one’s comfort zone is a good idea for adults and children to do during the summer months. Let’s call it the ‘summer stretch’! My husband doesn’t know it yet, but I’ve booked him into a pottery class with me on a Saturday in July, an activity that neither of us have tried and are likely to fail at, which will undoubtedly incur a lot of laughs! I’ve also promised him I’ll give golf a go (also highly likely to fail at first attempt), but again, there is freedom and fun in doing things we don’t ordinarily do. And we all have lots to learn in the process.

Support

That said, one of the biggest pitfalls during summer is the temptation to default to screens for entertainment, distraction, or even relief from “I’m bored” complaints. While devices have their place, managing screen use is crucial. Setting clear boundaries is key; what are your expectations about how long they can play on a game for? What else needs to happen before they do that? Chores, for example? (we’ve got some handy lists for younger and older children if you’re keen to divvy up household responsibilities). A little bit of reading and playing? Summer rules around devices need to be talked about in advance to ensure everyone understands what is reasonable and what is expected; ideally families ought to strive for a balance of activities across a day or a week. Model device-free meals and consistent off-screen wind-down times before bed. If they say they are bored and don’t know what to do, pull out this list of 50 screen-free activity ideas that they can try and ask them to choose one!

Summer is also a wonderful time to keep those brains ticking gently. The summer slide, where learning accumulated over the year dissipates over the summer months, is a genuine phenomenon. We don’t want children’s learning to get rusty, but equally, they need to relax over the holidays. How do we get that balance right? Well, we can hit the library and find some summer books to read together as a family. We might do crosswords, board games or jigsaw puzzles together, or enjoy word or maths games on long car journeys. Can they keep a summer diary or write to relatives or pen-pals to keep those writing skills sustained? In everyday family life, can they write down the shopping list and make notes for you? Depending on what you do, you might even be able to take them to your work for the day? Can you do some science together on the beach? Take opportunities where they arise!

For younger children about to embark on nursery for the first time, their teachers will thank you for encouraging independence in key skills like putting their own shoes on, or eating dinner with a knife and fork. For older children, consider setting a weekly ‘learning challenge’ tied to something they care about. Could they research the history of a place you’re visiting? Small, meaningful tasks keep the academic muscles flexed without dampening the holiday mood.

And finally, emotional support matters just as much as logistical help. Summer is a reflective time for many young people as they process academic stress, shifting friendships, and personal growth. Create space for unpressured conversations, on a walk, in the car, or during downtime. Check in, not out. So as summer stretches before us, let’s lean into it, not with pressure to make it perfect, but with presence, playfulness, and a bit of planning.