Life is full of unknowns. It is important that children and young people understand this and learn to accept it. The pandemic has simply highlighted the fact that sometimes things happen in life that are rather unexpected and challenging, but it also highlighted how we can cope adaptively. Reframing is an important part of resilience and I suggest parents invoke this strategy with their children from the earliest opportunity. The pandemic has highlighted aspects of our lives that we took for granted. Suddenly we can appreciate our liberty, agency over our daily activities and the ability to work and earn money. We have greater appreciation for the importance of teachers, schools and the science of learning.
Life is full of unknowns. It is important that children and young people understand this and learn to accept it. The pandemic has highlighted the fact that, sometimes, unexpected and challenging things happen in life. However, it has also shown that we can cope adaptively. Reframing is an important part of resilience and I suggest that parents invoke this strategy with their children, from the earliest opportunity.
The pandemic has forced us to take note of aspects of our lives that we took for granted. We feel more grateful for our liberty and agency over daily activities and for our ability to work and earn money. We have greater appreciation for the importance of teachers, schools and the science of learning.
In the midst of this crisis, we should draw our children’s attention to the power of human ingenuity, the value and importance of scientific endeavour and how our ‘bubbles’ keep us well mentally, as well as physically. Suddenly, we all value and savour each interaction with a friend; these have become more precious than anything else. Nature has benefitted too, from our enforced pause in industry and activity. By reframing challenges in ways that feel more palatable, we can help children through these difficult times. Try to cultivate a strong sense of what we can control, versus what we cannot. It is a bit like squeezing a sponge; try to extract all the good from this tough situation.
As soon as uncertainty arrives, teach your child to seek out the familiar. Where are our anchors? What things will remain stable and unchanging? What can we control? As the world spins around us, we need to become slightly more insular, a little more retrospective and take greater notice of the natural resources that surround us. By taking things one step and day at a time, we teach our children to tread carefully into the unknown. As we model a calm and constructive approach, they will learn to manage any feelings that overwhelm them. One of the trickiest components of the type of uncertainty we are currently facing, is the time factor. The chronology of the unfolding crisis is hard to pinpoint. Will we be in lockdown for longer than six weeks? It is entirely possible. In taking each week at a time, and making it as pleasurable and as productive as we can in family life, we do our best.
More Parenting Questions
Jun 03, 2024
How can I best support my son with changes to his class next year?
Firstly, it is normal to worry about changes that lie ahead for our children and to worry about their ability to cope. You aren’t alone. The start of a new academic year is always full of changes to school life. New classrooms perhaps? Timetables? Teachers, pupils, curricula, canteen menus? You sound like you are holding a lot of anticipatory anxiety about the changes that are forthcoming. These changes have likely been explained to you by the school, and perhaps you still feel fearful?
Apr 22, 2024
How can I support my teen through a break up?
Early teen romances can certainly feel exciting and exhilarating but most are also short-lived, and supporting our children through them is something we will likely have to do several times over the years to come. Here are some tips to help you to support your daughter.
Feb 13, 2024
How can I support my child’s move to a new school where he doesn’t know anyone?
Hello! Thanks for your question. When I was reading through it, the thing that stood out first was the description of your son as unconcerned about impending changes and “confident socially”. This is good news indeed and bodes well, although, as you suggest, it is prudent not to assume that he has zero concerns at all about the upcoming school move.
Aug 03, 2023
What do we need to consider when buying our child a smartphone?
First of all, well done considering this important decision ‘as a family’. Buying a first phone for a child can be a financial commitment but, truth be told, it’s also a decision that can impact on all aspects of their lives: mental health, wellbeing, resilience, friendships and even their learning. It is important to think of it as a significant decision which deserves research and reflection. A smartphone isn’t just a phone. Essentially, it is a hand-held computer that, once connected to the internet, can give access to a digital frontier occupied by five billion people.
Feb 17, 2023
What’s the best way to talk to my son about puberty and growing up?
We asked leading expert, Charlotte Markey, Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University, to answer this fantastic question from a Tooled Up mum. Charlotte has published numerous academic studies in this field and has also written two amazing books on body image for tweens and teens which we highly recommend. Details are at the bottom of the article.
Sep 05, 2022
How can I best support my son whilst my wife is going through treatment for breast cancer?
Thank you for your question. From the detail you supply in your email to me, it is crystal clear that this young man lives in a loving, warm and supportive family unit (perfect conditions to cultivate and sustain a child’s resilience). Your concern relates to the fact that your child is starting secondary school and that his mother’s treatment coincides with an important milestone in his life. I can understand why, at this particular time, you might worry a little more about this child than other children in the family.
Jul 02, 2022
How can I talk to my teenage daughter constructively about the clothes that she chooses to wear?
First of all, you have my sympathy in dealing with this issue. The question you pose is not an easy one to grapple with, and I know for sure that it is a question on other parents’ minds too as summer approaches. Everyone wants their child to grow up to be independent, self-assured and body confident, but also to stay safe. So, your intentions in both raising this question and wanting to explore optimal ways for talking to your teen about her clothing choices, are well-placed and timely.
Mar 18, 2022
How can I tell my kids (3.5 and 6 yrs old) that their nanny is leaving and we need to find a new one?
Thank you for submitting your question. I think that it’s important to try to make sense of what has occurred chronologically and to think through the emotions attached to each change. It might be useful to reflect with your partner about how you felt when ‘nanny number one’ had to leave. I detect (though could be wrong) that your family considered this woman to be part of the family and that her loss may have been keenly felt.
Jan 16, 2022
How do I know if my child is doing the right amount of extracurricular activities?
I will be honest. When I read how many activities your 10 year old child participates in per week, I felt tired even thinking about it. According to your email, your daughter spends eight hours at school per day, and for four days of the week attends some sort of lesson pre and post school. On three evenings each week, she gets home at 9pm, and often has to get up at the crack of dawn to complete homework assignments or do verbal reasoning tests. As you are a bilingual family, on Saturday mornings she attends three hours of language school. On Sundays, you all go out to watch an older child play football, where she sits patiently by the sideline (but is often asked to do some sort of homework, either in the car or on a device). 3-5pm on a Saturday afternoon is the only time that she gets to herself, doing what she wants to do.
Oct 13, 2021
How can I help my son to make more friends and feel less left out?
It is always gut-wrenching for parents to hear our children’s disgruntlement and upset about feeling unsettled or not fitting in. First of all, full credit to you for the fact that your son did open up and tell you how he is feeling. The fact that he did so means that he feels able to explain his feelings and expects a supportive and positive response. As you have identified in your email, there is little doubt that, for some children, lockdown has had a negative impact on their social skills. Settling into school life takes time and months of remote learning has contributed to children feeling somewhat set back in their friendships. They have missed out on thousands of interactions with peers, and participation in routine activities was difficult for a prolonged period.