We're all used to reading about children and young people's increasing use of digital tech. But what about adults' use? And what impact might our tech use have on family life?

Parents today are spending an unprecedented amount of time on their devices. One study found that parents spend an average of nine hours per day engaged with screen devices. Over four hours of this is on smartphones, averaging 67 phone checks per day. Despite children's central role in family life, their voices and perspectives on the device use of the adults around them have been largely neglected in research.

Along with colleagues, our latest Researcher of the Month, Professor Cara Swit, has published a fascinating study exploring the experiences and perceptions of children aged six to nine about their parents’ device use at home and its impact on them.

Summary

"Even at a young age, children form judgements about what constitutes an acceptable amount of time spent on devices and can recognise when their parents spend too much time on them.” (Cara Swit, et al., 2025)

The researchers visited a local primary school in Christchurch, New Zealand, where they ran fun and developmentally appropriate workshops with six to nine year old pupils, to explore children’s perspectives and experiences. Children took part in a combination of whole class activities, small group interviews, drawing and role play activities. They were asked both open and semi-guided questions about the different devices in their homes and their parents' use of them, and the research team found that children were very keen to share their thoughts!

The children in the study were highly aware of the patterns and purposes of their parents’ device use throughout the day and they held strong opinions about them. They knew what specific devices (phones, TVs, laptops, games consoles, etc) and social media platforms their parents used, and could note which ones they used more often. They stated various different reasons why parents use devices, including work, organisation and fun.

The children spoke vividly about scenarios where they felt that their parents' use of devices interfered with family life and interactions (technoference), and often observed high level of absorption and preoccupation when their parents were on devices. During role play, children frequently asked their parents to stop using devices to play with them. When asked if this happens at home, all the children indicated they often ask their parents to stop using devices to play. Descriptions of interruptions to play, where parents went on devices and children were told to "wait five minutes" (often not reengaging in play), were also common. In a poignant picture, one child shared an experience in a playground. Whilst drawing a slide, she said, “...my dad is just playing by himself [on his device] and he doesn’t notice that he’s cheering for someone else going down the slide, not me".

The children explicitly described how their parents’ device use made them feel, noting both positive and negative emotions. Their parents' over use of devices left them feeling sad, lonely and unimportant. Device use, for work in particular, was related to feelings of frustration and neglect, as children said they were often left to play alone. Many children expressed feeling that they had to compete with devices for their parents’ attention. Interestingly, a few children expressed complex and nuanced views about their parent’s device use, and an awareness of how it might affect their parents’ emotional and regulatory states. One six year old child noted that they feel sad, “When they [the parents] are using a device, but they [the parents] are not that happy because the device doesn’t make them happy. They’re still stressed”.

But it wasn't all negative! Positive experiences came from simultaneous or shared device use. Digital co-existence seemed to equate with positive feelings, and children in the study really valued times when parents involved them in their own device use, either by telling them what they were doing online, or through co-viewing, where parents and children play an app or video game together, or watch the same TV show or film.

Implications

What can parents do?

"Parents and caregivers should be encouraged to reflect on their own device use during parent-child interactions and consider its potential impact on both them and their child." (Cara Swit, et al., 2025)

Firstly, try to work through any feelings of guilt! Many of us may feel a sense of guilt and shame around our own device use and that of our children. Rather than focusing on these negatives, reframe by considering the things that work well in your family's technology use. Use these strengths as starting points to build on.

Remember that there is no one size fits all answer. We all have different working conditions and we all have different needs and wants when it comes to device use.

Remember that devices and platforms are designed to be persuasive, engaging and absorbing. We’ve probably all lost track of time scrolling through social media. Remember that this is part of the platform design and does not necessarily reflect a lack of self-control. Understanding why we feel compelled to keep scrolling can help to lessen any feelings of shame or guilt around tech use, and perhaps even nudge us to rebel against it. Algorithmic literacy is key not only for children, but also for adults!

Try, where possible, to set clearer boundaries between work and family time. Work was mentioned frequently by children in the study, generally as something which monopolised their parents' attention. Post-covid, flexible working conditions have many benefits, but they can blur the boundaries between work and family life, leading parents to feel constantly connected to work.

Take a moment to reflect on your own tech behaviours. We don’t always notice our own habits. It is beneficial to specifically and intentionally consider how and when we use devices. This simple act or reflection can lead to behaviour change.

Consider how your device use makes you feel. You might use your phone as a means of rest and to restore. If it makes you feel good and is working, then great! However, if on reflection it doesn’t, then maybe think about changing some habits.

Consider strategies that are sustainable in both the short and long term for your family's needs, lifestyle and values. Make use of the great resources for families that are available both within Tooled Up and elsewhere to help. The Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health has recently developed the Five Cs of Media Use, a suite of empowering resources designed for parents of children and teens. The Five Cs is a mnemonic standing for child, content, calm, crowding out, and communication. Resources focus on children’s developmental stages, how these influence media use, and healthy media habits to strive for at home.

Start small. Changing habits takes time, so make your goals realistic and build up.

Consider tech-free zones in the home. Be intentional! Work out what is important in your specific family context and avoid comparing yourself to other families. For instance, if dinner is a valuable and meaningful time in your family, consider putting devices away, turning off the TV and and enjoying each other's company. Perhaps the time immediately after finishing work or school is key for connection? If so, think about making that time tech free.

Make decisions around tech use as a family. Collaborative family rules are more effective than those set by parents in isolation of the child. Children are great at holding us accountable if we don’t uphold our own end of the bargain! Why not use our Family Digital Values template as a springboard for conversation.

Talk about your device use with your children from an early age. Narrate your choices around your device aloud. For example, sometimes, we might put away our phones for a particular reason, without making it clear to our children that we’ve done so. This is actually a self-regulation strategy and it would benefit them to be aware of our actions and of the thought processes leading to this decision.

Tooled Up members can listen to our interview with Professor Cara Swit here. Remember, if you are a Tooled Up member, you also have access to our whole platform, which is packed with evidence-based resources designed to support children in the digital world and beyond.